Monday, August 8, 2011

"I hate waiting."

Do you remember this scene from The Princess Bride?

That is how I feel now. I hate waiting!

I am so close I can almost taste it to getting this job. I made it to the second interview; I went in for a drug test; now I just wait for that wonderful phone call that (hopefully) says "YES!" Let's hope so, anyway.

It almost feels too good to be true. We've really struggled the past few years, if I get this job, it is literally life changing! We can be stable, on our feet, have BENEFITS!

Alas, before I start dreaming, I need to get that phone call. My mind constantly thinks the worse. Everyone tells me, "You got this! They won't send you for a drug test unless they want to hire you!" What if they are comparing me to someone else, though, and still deciding on one of us after the drug test?! Who knows! Once you've lived the way we have, at the forefront of the economic crash of 2008, news like this seems so far away. It feels like there are so many other people that would get this. Why would they want to hire me?! The "good fate" cards have not been in our favor the last three years. I just remind myself, it is OUR TURN to have some good luck for once. It is OUR TURN to shine.

However, I know God has his reasons for everything. Had we not gone through what we did the last two years, I don't think we'd ever have learned to live within our means. It is an eye opening experience. Before you fall flat on your ass, you look at all at welfare and the state as just a system who hands out money to lazy people. Then you hit rock bottom yourself. Now the tables are turned and YOU are the one sitting in that Welfare Office, and wondering, "How did my life end up here? And how many other people are thinking the same thing right now?" There were times I'd sit there and feel like a spoiled brat who wants to kick her feet and scream, "I don't belong here!"

Maybe that is the attitude we needed though, right? If I stayed complacent with sitting in that office, letting your case workers look down upon as you read their mind, body language, facial expressions and see them thinking "I'm glad I'm not one of them." Perhaps they treat you like scum on the bottom of their shoe so you get fired up and scream out against them and being in the "system." I must add though, I think they should make it a requirement that all Case Workers should have been people formerly on Welfare, or make them sit in that office in our shoes with everyone looking down upon you. How would they like it?

I am dreaming of how wonderful this job will be for our family. I don't want to get my hopes on it yet, not until I'm there signing new hire paperwork, but one can dream, right?

But I'm afraid you'll just have to wait.

I hate waiting.

No comments: